If Only I Could Have Seen

I could see the way he gazed at me. 
How those bright azure eyes could not quite hide his thoughts churning inside. Wanting me, though I could tell, he is shy.
One step at a time, we walked towards each other. Until our heart beats met, and our breathing began to flutter. 
Our love was high school innocence. I was a hopeless romantic, sucked into teenage bliss. New, young love with hearts in my eyes. Is that why I always cried?
I had never been in love before, I thought I had it… I thought wrong.
He was humorous, he was sweet, he was gentle…

Until the lights cut out, showing is true sinister self is not sentimental.  

I could see the way he gazed at me. 
The sapphire eyes I would get lost in, pierced through me with spiked ends. Assaulting my mind, dragging me under like quick sand. 
Hardening grips and guilt trips. Makeshift nooses wrapped around his neck, just to make me stay, feeling wrecked. 
The broken tears that fell upon my cheek, only made me feel weak. 

I could see the way he gazed at me. 
See the glee in the depths of his crystal eyes, filled with delight, relishing every piece of my soul he takes to terrorize. 
My juvenile heart shattered like a broken vase, crushed under his possessive gait.
His anger attached to a short tether, the rise in his voice would detonate with pleasure.
The mental whiplash is more than I can endure, seeing the red flags blaring in my face. His approach is targeted, the stench of stale booze invaded my space.

I could see the way he gazed at me. 
See the gleam in those cobalt eyes. Burning deep into my sixteen-year-old face, promising his demise. 
I felt the push and the free-falling dive. The gush of wind that swirled through my hair. The feelings coursed through me like a cosmic flare.
Regret? Shame? Am I to blame?
Anger seeps into my bones, turning my heart into impenetrable stone.
Daring a glance at the boy who once had my love, as sorrow seizes his eyes from up above.  

Was the forced smile on my face so easy to fool? No one noticed my pain, no one ever asked if I was okay… even though his deeds severed my veins. 

I wish I could have seen behind his mask. If only…

If only I could have seen beyond the way he gazed at me. 

-A. Stuebbe

*Find your voice*

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